Irony

I find it ironic, given how frustrated and angry I was last year (when I sought educational support for Willow and was dismissed over and over again), that when her teacher tells me (just three days into the new school year) that she has applied for funding for Willow, my first feeling is not of relief and gratitude, but of immense sadness.

This is real. It won't go away. The differences, the challenges, the quirks ... they can't be ignored. She won't catch up, at least not in the usual way, via the traditional route. She'll have to find a different path and it won't be easy.

I do wish the overwhelming sadness and grief would go away. I wish I could find it in my heart to accept and embrace. I wish I could let go of the anger and forgive. I know that it is time to move forwards, for Willow's sake, if not my own.

Indeed, I am truly grateful that Willow's teacher has frankly and openly acknowledged her needs. I am glad that she is not sugar coating anything. I am glad that she is acting quickly and proactively. This IS what I wanted and it is what I did NOT get at Willow's kindergarten, despite my best efforts. It is also, I felt in my gut, what I would NOT get at our local public primary school. True, we may not get any funding at Willow's present school (in fact, it seems unlikely), but at least the need for it is acknowledged.

I now feel validated in our last minute decision to move Willow to this little Catholic parish school. There have been moments when I have second guessed myself and wondered if I wrote off our local primary school too quickly. It is not convenient having children at different schools - there are the daily inconveniences (two drop offs, two pick ups, two timetables etc.) and the other complications (clashing parent information evenings, different sports days, different pupil free days and holidays). But now I'm feeling more certain and sure, and I know that I will do whatever it takes to juggle two schedules, if it means that both my daughter and son are happy at school.

So things are good. I know my Willow is being looked after and I know that she is in capable hands. I also know that she is happy and loved. I know that for the next 9 years (so long as she remains at her little parish school) she will be cared for spiritually and emotionally. The rest will sort itself out - slowly, gradually, evenutally...