Last year, when I was fighting to get Willow funding/support at kindergarten, I was rebuffed over and over again. While I wrung my hands in despair and cried in frustration, the fact that no-one evaluated Willow and then said, "This is a little girl who needs a lot of help", enabled me to deny, at some level, the seriousness of her predicament (or at least retain a little blind hope that perhaps they were right and I was wrong).
This year, out of the public system and into the Catholic system, I have had an entirely different experience. People observe Willow and are extremely concerned. They are astounded that she has not qualified for any support from numerous government bodies and agencies. They acknowledge that Willow is a child "at risk" who has "high learning needs". They are worried because she doesn't have support when she so clearly needs it.
I find this confronting. Instinctively I find myself wanting to say "It's not that bad! She's made amazing progress!" But then I bite my tongue, because I'm not helping Willow by downplaying her difficulties (which are indeed significant). Sometimes it doesn't pay to look on the bright side.
I've found the transition to school to be challenging in this regard. I see the other children and she is so obviously different. I know that the differences will only become more obvious as time passes. We have a long road and many struggles ahead. Still, I find it hard to stomach the dire predictions about her future, just as I found it hard to stomach the patronizing "Don't worry, she'll be fine..." comments.
And I wonder, why can't there be a middle ground?
Friday, 14 March 2008
Confronting
Posted by Em at 1:08 PM
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4 comments:
It is so hard to fill like people don't see your child adequately. I think you and I both know that there can't be any long term predictions about these girls, we don't know exactly what the future might hold. The important thing is helping them to be their best today, and then hopefully, the future will take care of itself.
My mom is still arguing with me about KayTar not needing services. It just drives me mad.
I hear you sister!!!!
Yes she has made amazing progress - you are way to passionate and strong for a middle ground.
Healthy approach. I had to accept the reality of Luke's disorders for myself as well -- so that I might obtain some semblance of closure. From there one can begin to carve out a personal reality that might be more honest...rather than this ferocious desire to just have them be alright. Sometimes we just might have to face that it might not be the case that everything will eventually be fine...and go from there. That being said, it's obvious you are not giving up. This might be the middle ground that you seek. You might just be there.
Breathe.
One step at a time.
So good to "see" you again, Em.
I think you're the middle ground, em, and that is why you are Willow's mother. Because you offer her that, and she will be dramatically influenced by you.
You're an amazing mother, Em. Never give up.
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